Alumni News
by Pavonis Mons
Summary: From the Hogwarts alumni newsletter, five years after Book 7. Like all alumni newsletters, it contains dangerous levels of smugness. You have been warned.


Staff News

It is with great sadness that we say goodbye to our caretaker, ARGUS FILCH, who is retiring after forty years of loyal service. The staff have presented him with a solid silver tea service, and a life-size sculpture of the late MRS NORRIS, whom many alumni will remember with almost equal affection, crafted out of matchsticks by our own inimitable FILIUS FLITWICK. Argus is not giving up working full time, and plans to work as weekend watchman in Gringotts' Bank in London. As he himself puts it in his lovable, roguish way: "Compared to the little horrors I've met in Hogwarts, it'll be a walk in the park". We wish him every happiness in future.

THE FAT LADY is taking a well-earned sabbatical in the Wizarding Wing of the Prado gallery in Madrid. SIR CADOGAN, a knight of great renown, will be deputising for her in her absence.

Alumni News:

To MALFOY, Draco and Pansy (nee PARKINSON) – a daughter, Dracaena Drusilla Lucillla Mortiana Paige, born at midnight precisely on Halloween with the finest midwives in the land in attendance. The Naming Ceremony, at which several high-ranking members of the Wizenagmot were present, was held at Stonehenge, followed by canapés and champagne at the family Manor. Dracaena will be raised in the family _palazzo_ in Tuscany, the family _Schloss_ in the Rhineland and the family _chateau _in Provence, until such time as the Ministry sees fit to issue a _full_ retraction of the _slanderous_ allegations against her father concerning necromancy, tax evasion and murder by proxy.  
studio portrait of a very pale baby with a very cross expression in very fancy robes, braining a house elf with a gold filigree rattle

CRABBE, Vincent and Urgulanilla (nee TOTTINGTON) have another daughter – Kelly – born May 2nd – a little sister for Jean (3) and Ruth (18 mths).  
obviously amateur picture of two forbidding-looking parents trying not to grin, two surprisingly cute small girls and a baby who looks a very tough nut indeed. All have owls of various sizes perched on their shoulders, except the baby who is clutching an egg  
Vincent's Owlery is going from strength to strength – this year his birds have taken First Prize at Paris, London, Vienna, Krakow, Minsk and Calgary, and his prize Snowy, Serafina, won Best in Show at the Voss Arctic Bird Festival. Breeding went well this year, and although bidding has been intense, we do still have a few chicks for sale… _Vince, I've warned you about this before – try once more to sneak your ads into the Alumni News and you're banned for life. And I don't care who your parents were. Ed._

ZABINI, Blaise celebrated his marriage to Mary-Lou, only daughter of the well-known tycoon Titus P. Eagleburger of Pennsylvania, USA on July 4th this year. He will miss Ceridwen (nee ROSIER) and Blanche (nee GOYLE), but life must go on…  
Photo of Blaise Zabini looking dashing in a morning suit, with a plain girl in a big diamond tiara on his arm. She is looking at him like she can't believe her luck. He is looking in a speculative sort of way at her obviously doddery father.

MOLLY WEASLEY is proud to announce the arrival of no less than SEVEN grandchildren: Marcus, Robert, Percival, Mark and Matthew (twins!) and Alfreda and Georgiana (_more _twins!). We all feel so blessed!  
photograph of many red-headed adults and children, all waving too frantically to be easily identifiable

Despite a somewhat chequered start to his Ministry career, PERCY WEASLEY has just been promoted to Head of Pointless Pastimes in the Department of Magical Games and Sports – youngest ever to hold this post! His desk is nearly half a foot larger than the Head of Gobstones and Sentient Marbles, and his in-try infinitely superior in size _and_ quality to that of the Head of Quidditch. Things are looking up at last!

SLOPER, Jack, is now playing Seeker for the Chudley Canons. We always knew you had it in you, Jack!

Announcements

Severus Snape would like to make it clear that he is doing very well in his new life, thank you very much. He would like to stress that he is in no physical, psychological, spiritual or financial distress, and he is emphatically _not_ in any need of rescue. Further attempts to locate him in order to "save him from himself" will be met with lethal force (Miss Granger, this means you).

MIMBULUS MIMBLETONIA, 10' high, numerous healing properties, very friendly, good with children. Free to good home. Owl N. Longbottom for further details.


End file.
